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Borderline Personality Disorder is a severe mental illness in which the sufferer experiences instability in moods, emotions, relationships, and behavior. Often, the sufferer falls victim to self-injury and other harmful impulses. BPD has a very negative stigma surrounding it, and sufferers may be seen as scary, dangerous, and frustrating, by friends, family, and even their own therapists. However, there is hope and there is support. One day, people will understand.

Please note: Just because you can relate to the above description or any of the posts on here, does not mean you have BPD. There is a lot of overlap with other mental illnesses, and common emotional instability, especially before your 20s, when personality stabilizes.

BPD is NOT something you want. If you think you have it, please see a professional to be sure and to get help. We cannot diagnose you and you cannot diagnose yourself. We will always recommend you see a professional.

This blog relies heavily on submissions, so please submit all you want! :)

FAQ    Getting diagnosed    Suicidal? Self harming?    Under 18    BPD Info & Resources    For friends & family

Just random… maybe a lil hope…? ;)

So… I’m Maria. im 15,  16 in a month and 6 days. ive Ben to eight treatment centers from she’s 12-15… my last treatment center was a residential treatment center, my therapist there was a BPD specialist, and worked with me on DBT therapy it didn’t quite work since i was in a group of 14-16 girls with not BPD but other illnesses it wasn’t until i got home June 21, 2012 that i started to get better. ive Been a self harmer since  11 years old So i relapsed a couple times… and the last time i self harmed was in January i wouldn’t be able to do it w/our my family n my determination. there Is hope <3


Maria,

Thank you so much for sending in this message of hope to us all! Huge congratulations for your milestone and lots of love to you <3 <3 <3

~ Stephanie

— 1 year ago
#submission  #inspiration 
Anonymous asked: Hiyaa! I'm in a crappy situation right now. My best friend knows I have BPD and we've both admitted we like each other. He wants to remain "just friends" for now and be slow (aka kiss and cuddle me when we go out) but I'm just NEEDING more, I've never been "slow". I've always rushed into relationships. Now I'm starting to get REALLY angry at him when he even speaks to other girls, though we're not together. How can I control my anger and feelings? I really like him but my BPD is ruining it :(


Answer:

Hi Anonymous!

Wow, it sounds like things are really intense between you and your best friend. Good for you for recognizing the struggle and seeing how your relationship and BPD are interacting. I hope I can help give you a little perspective…
With BPD, the intensity of your feelings is going to be stronger in both the positive and negative directions. Going back and forth between the extreme rush of an early stage romantic relationship (NRE is a fun term for it) and the tension of you wanting things to move faster and the jealousy/anger is a recipe for an overwhelming pattern of emotions that fuel each other.
 
 
Rushing into relationships is very common in those with Borderline Personality Disorder, and many other disorders. It has to do with needing to be loved and  needed, and the intense feelings and impulsivity we deal with, which are a pull just like an addiction. I have always been the same way — quickly getting physical, or saying I love you, or moving in together.

I imagine your feelings must be confusing to him, if you’ve expressed the anger, even if he knows you have BPD. It’s still confusing on an emotional level. I would recommend that you two talk and tell him about the jealousy and explain how this relates to BPD if he is unaware. 

It sounds like the current definition of your relationship isn’t working out too well. You need to get a clear idea of (and agree on together) what your relationship is and where boundaries lie. Are you a couple or aren’t you? What does he really think/want? Are you exclusive? Are you friends now, but more later when X happens? Kissing and cuddling as “just friends” may be too difficult to keep you from sliding into wanting a lot more, so there may need to be a stronger limit there if you want to keep it as a strict friendship. But I know how hard it can be to set boundaries when you don’t really want to, so that doesn’t make this easy. Sometimes it takes doing difficult things in order to save an important relationship.

And my usual questions… are you in therapy right now? Have you looked at something like DBT or mindfulness practices? These will help you learn how to handle your feelings. In order to have a fulfilling life, we must learn to love ourselves first, without needing the adoration of another to fill that void. DBT and individual therapy can also help with this. 
In the meantime, here is a set of skills called ACCEPTS from DBT that can help you to handle intense emotions by distracting yourself when you feel distressed:
  • Activities - Use positive activities that you enjoy. (Hobbies? Movies? Books?)
  • Contribute - Help out others or your community. (That’s why I help on BPD Things! Volunteering?)
  • Comparisons - Compare yourself either to people that are less fortunate or to how you used to be when you were in a worse state. (Kinda weird, but I find comparing yourself to yourself is most helpful)
  • Emotions - cause yourself to feel something different by provoking your sense of humor or happiness with corresponding activities. (I use a “Happy” music playlist for this :-)
  • Push away - Put your situation on the back-burner for a while. Put something else temporarily first in your mind. (Try closing your eyes and doing a visualization of putting your negative emotions in a locked box in the back of a closet somewhere)
  • Thoughts - Force your mind to think about something else. (Something positive you like to think about… maybe a holiday or creative project or pet)
  • Sensations - Do something that has an intense feeling other than what you are feeling, like a cold shower or a spicy candy
Good luck dear Anon and I hope this has been helpful to you! xoxo
 
 
~ Stephanie

— 1 year ago with 5 notes
#bpd  #borderline personality disorder  #relationships  #friends and family  #dbt skills  #dbt 
Anonymous asked: Symptoms I’ve spoken to my dr about: anxiety, sleep issues, mood swings, self harm, dissociation, feeling really really empty all the time. Symptoms I haven’t: extreme paranoia; the fear that people are going to abandon me (I freak out if someone cancels plans w/ me); binge eating; switching between being obsessed with someone and always wanting to be around them to being completely unimpressed and irritated by them; chronic suicidal ideation; getting really really angry or upset by quite small


Answer:

Continued…

…things (people tell me I’m way too sensitive and I overreact). I found out about BPD over a year ago and tried to ask my doctor at the time about it, but he brushed it off staright away and effectively told be all of my symptoms were due to aspergers (I’m not aspergic, my current doctor has confirmed this) so now I’m terrified of asking my doctor about it when I go back to see her :(

- hey-look-its-ami

Answer:

Hi Ami,

Thanks for this question. There are so many difficulties with being diagnosed with BPD, and dealing with telling your doctor symptoms or having a doctor not believe you is unfortunately all too common.

I’m not 100% clear about what happened with these doctors — you told your previous doctor all those symptoms and he dismissed it as Asperger’s? But you haven’t yet told your current doctor some of the symptoms?

I have to assume that it’s your past experience with telling your doctor that is causing you to be terrified. I think it’s very important that you do tell your doctor about these symptoms, particularly the suicidal ideation and volatile emotions. Do you have a friend or family member you could bring with you for support?

I might suggest that you write down a list of the symptoms, just as you have here, so it’s not quite so daunting for you when you visit the doctor. I actually wrote another post recently that has a lot of tips for what to do when seeing a doctor about a BPD diagnosis. These symptoms all fit with BPD, and your current doctor already dismissed Asperger’s, so that’s a very good sign. 

It’s going to take some courage to jump in there again, but many of us have been there with misdiagnoses. There is still a stigma against BPD, and many doctors don’t like to diagnose it. Keep at it! 

Best of luck,

~ Stephanie

Side note: before my BPD diagnosis, for a couple of years I was also thought to have Asperger’s, because I suppressed my emotions, was so physically triggered, seemed to lack empathy, and was distressed at small changes, among other things.

It doesn’t sound like the emotion suppression and lack of empathy are at all the case for you, but it’s a case in point about how confusing mental conditions are and can present themselves with overlapping symptoms, even with conditions that seem like the opposite of BPD. I wonder if this misdiagnosis is at all common among those with BPD?

— 1 year ago with 1 note
#bpd  #borderline personality disorder  #diagnosis 
"You are not just here to fill space or be a background character in someone else’s movie. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you. We are all connected, and we are all affected by the decisions and even the existence of those around us."
David Niven (via theglasschild)

(Source: decembrist, via seelifethroughpinkglasses)

— 1 year ago with 297 notes
#inspiration  #quote 
Anonymous asked: Do you have chronic boredom as your symptoms?? Cause I do and it leads to doing even more impulsive things.


Answer:

Hey Anon,

Yes, this is something I’ve experienced, and I know it is common in those with Borderline Personality Disorder. It is exactly what can lead to impulsive behaviours, and learning how to deal with those feelings of emptiness and boredom will help you to avoid the impulsiveness. 

With BPD, everything is a series of ups and downs, and when things are “in the middle”, they can feel utterly boring. I have both BPD and Bipolar I, and when I started stabilizing on medication I thought I was going to go nuts (ha) because things felt so empty and flat, and I wanted to act out even more. 

It’s easy to feel so empty, low, and understimulated that you completely lack the desire to do anything to improve yourself, so you just succumb to going back to bed or an impulsive behaviour. That emptiness is typical for BPD sufferers and still gets me in its grip occasionally. Then I’m facing wasted hours or days or weeks, low mood, and vulnerability to negative emotions.

It’s not like I don’t know there are a million different things I could do with my day: clean up, go for a walk, go to the gym, watch a movie, do work. But instead I just reload Tumblr or get myself emotionally dysregulated.

Are you in therapy, or DBT? Dialectical Behavior Therapy is an extremely valuable toolbox of skills for learning how to:

  • Be more mindful — focusing on one thing in the moment like playing with a pet, going for a walk, or even doing the dishes
  • Do positive activities that you enjoy, and that build a sense of mastery and new skills rather than boredom — learning a musical instrument, working on a project or craft
  • Feel sensations — healthy intense feelings that can take the place of impulsive or self destructive behaviours: a bath with essential oils, holding ice in your hands or a cool shower, looking at art at a museum
  • Take the best possible care of yourself, physically, to be able to lead a more enriched and low-distress life — getting good sleep, eating right, getting exercise

You may want to consider it, or check the Resources page or DBTSelfHelp.com for self study.

I find the best thing to do is a small task, a very small task even, especially that will help you feel like you’ve accomplished something. Wipe the counter. Do 10 minutes of homework. Draw a picture. Put clothes in the washer. Don’t worry about the next thing, just do that one thing for a few minutes and see how you feel. 

I also found this other great blog post on dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder and boredom that you might find useful.

I understand how much boredom sucks. I hope this helps and I wish you luck on avoiding those impulsive behaviours. 

~ Stephanie

— 1 year ago with 12 notes
#bpd  #borderline personality disorder  #borderline  #impulsivity  #dbt  #dbt skills 
Anonymous asked: Is cheating on a signifcant other common in bpd? I was diagnosed with bpd recently and I am looking back at what I have done in other relationships, its kind of embarrassing to admit. Also compulsive lying. Does this all have to do with the impulsiveness and manipulation for attention (when I would lie)?


Answer:

Hi Anonymous,

This is a controversial question. It’s impossible to speak for all of those with Borderline Personality Disorder, but it’s safe to say that infidelity falls under the impulsivity DSM criterion #4 in particular, and two others:

  • Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).
  • A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness

Anecdotally, you’ll find a lot of people talking on forums and such about those with BPD cheating on their partners. So yes, it’s likely that BPD sufferers do cheat more than the general population. That doesn’t mean everyone with BPD cheats. There is no hard evidence of this either way, so am just making a casual observation.

People with BPD often have an intense need to feel loved and accepted, along with a lot of ups and downs in their relationships. And, when they are feeling abandoned or rejected, they may engage in impulsive or risky behaviors. This means that they might do things without considering the consequences of their actions, just to “feel better” in the short term. Certainly, infidelity could fall into this category.
(source)

I can speak to my own situation — I am a serial cheater. I’ve even thought about going to S.L.A.A. meetings (Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous) because the impulsive urge is so strong at times and I’ve had myself wrapped up in external relationships that felt like an addiction. In my previous seven and a half year relationship, I cheated probably ten times… got caught a couple of those times and it was horrible. It does feel embarrassing to admit such an impulsive and damaging behaviour, and I’ve only recently come to terms with it. I also have Bipolar disorder, which makes things complicated since I get hypersexual when I am trending towards mania.

Try not to think of it as manipulation for attention, even though it is easy for us and others to see it that way. We have a mental illness. There is a desperate need to fill that empty void, and cheating can be triggered by the slightest feelings of abandonment. It’s also a distraction from emotional pain. Also the intense feelings we get from new relationships acts exactly like a drug, making it a habit that’s hard to break. The lying is just a consequence of the cheating, but it makes things worse.

Are you in therapy of some kind? Your therapist will have heard it all, and I hope you can find the courage (or maybe already have!) to discuss this with him/her. The cheating won’t go away on its own. It takes hard work to recover, and you need to deal with the root cause of BPD in general in order to address the cheating.

Relationships are probably difficult for you right now and I hope that you can find some peace with this issue in the meantime. Just try to be as honest as you can with your partner in the early stages of flirtation (or whatever it is that starts things rolling). That’s the only thing that’s helped me stay true — being able to say “hey, I flirted a bit too much with so and so and things started heading in that direction, but I did/would like to stop”. That may sound difficult but if your partner knows you struggle with this, the communication is going to be better all around.

Good luck,

~ Stephanie

— 1 year ago with 12 notes
#bpd  #borderline personality disorder  #borderline  #mental illness  #relationships  #impulsivity 
ambivalentanomaly-deactivated20 asked: I'm new to Tumblr and love your blog! Do you have any other blogs you would recommend for BPD people? Thank you in advance for your blog and response! :)


Answer:

Hi there, and welcome to Tumblr!

Certainly! I’m glad you like ours so much :)

Here are some other excellent Tumblr blogs you might want to follow:

In case that’s not enough, I’ll also throw out another couple of non-Tumblr blogs that are dedicated to Borderline Personality Disorder:

Happy reading, and best wishes to you!

~ Stephanie

— 1 year ago with 9 notes
#bpd  #borderline personality disorder  #resources 
soaringeaglette66 asked: when i am overcome by sadness, how do i use mindfulness to help make the feeling go away?


Answer:

Hi There!

The fact that you are ready to learn tools to handle overwhelming emotions such as sadness is already the first step to mindfulness. Being aware that you are separate from these emotions and not letting them become one with you is very important. Mindfulness doesn’t always just make them “go away”, but more so it allows you to recognize them, and allow them to pass without overly indulging in them, allowing them to spiral, or allowing yourself to act on them in a dangerous or unstable manner. There are a lot of online resources for mindfulness, simply googling “mindfulness techniques” will bring you to a plethora of websites with lots of different tips, techniques and activities.

Sadness can be one of the most powerful emotions, in that in the moment it can feel as if you will feel that way forever and that there is no way out. Isn’t it funny how we can recognize that happiness or excitement is temporary, but its so much harder to recognize the impermanence of negative emotions such as sadness, fear and anger? Understanding that ALL human emotions are temporary, whether it be for a minute, hour or month, is very important in terms of allowing yourself to recognize them but not be overcome by them.

I am someone who analyzes everything and everyone, so for me what works the best is to analyze the root of my sadness and figure out the distortions i am having in my thinking patterns that are leading me to feel the way i am feeling (i explain more about this technique in this post). In doing this I am essentially busting up the thoughts that are feeding my sadness.

Another thing i like to do is get out of the space I’m in. Places like our bed and our room although at times very comforting can also be a bad headspace when feeling overcome by emotion, pushing yourself to take a long walk and not return to your room until you feel more in control of yourself can be a great way to let strong feelings dissolve without an immense amount of effort.

Here are some basic techniques on mindfulness from elsewhere on the internet

1. RAIN.

In his blog “Difficult Emotions: One Approach You’ll Want to Try,” Dr. Goldstein writes:

In the mindfulness circles the acronym R.A.I.N has floated around to support people in dealing with difficult emotions. It has been found in Tara Brach’s book Radical Acceptance, Jack Kornfield has said it, and you will find it the upcoming Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook that I have co-authored with Bob Stahl, Ph.D (February, 2010). Here is a sneak peek:

“R” is to recognize when a strong emotion is present. “A” is to allow or acknowledge that it is indeed there. “I” is to investigate and bring self-inquiry to the body, feelings, and mind, and “N” is to non-identify with what’s there. This non-identification is very useful in that it helps to deflate the story and cultivates wise understanding in the recognition that the emotion is just another passing mind state and not a definition of who you are. Just like seeing a movie, standing back and watching the actors play out their dramas, by non-identifying with your story and seeing it as impermanent, this will help assist in loosening your own tight grip of identification. Utilizing R.A.I. N. as a practice can help you bring space to be with things as they are and grow in deeper understanding of what drives, underlies or fuels our fears, anger, and sadness.

Turning into our emotions can feel a bit foreign since most of us live in such a pain denying culture. Isn’t it time to begin acknowledging stress, anxiety or pain rather than suppressing, repressing, or all-too-quickly medicating it? Can we learn to view these challenges as a rite of passage instead of running away from them?

2. STOP.

Another tip to weave mindfulness into your daily schedule: before work, during lunch, before you walk into your home in the evening, or after you get the kids to bed at night. Writes Goldstein in his post“Stress Got You Down?”:

Creating space to come down from the worried mind and back into the present moment has been shown to be enormously helpful to people. When we are present we have a firmer grasp of all our options and resources which often make us feel better. Next time you find your mind racing with stress, try the acronymS.T.O.P.:

S -Stop what you are doing, put things down for a minute.

T -Take a breath. Breathe normally and naturally and follow your breath coming in and of your nose. You can even say to yourself “in” as you’re breathing in and “out” as you’re breathing out if that helps with concentration.

O -Observe your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. You can reflect about what is on your mind and also notice that thoughts are not facts and they are not permanent. If the thought arises that you are inadequate, just notice the thought, let it be, and continue on. Notice any emotions that are there and just name them. Recent research out of UCLA says that just naming your emotions can have a calming effect. Then notice your body. Are you standing or sitting? How is your posture? Any aches and pains.

P - Proceed with something that will support you in the moment. Whether that is talking to a friend or just rubbing your shoulders.

Hope this helps! 

<3 Sophia

— 1 year ago with 4 notes
#bpd  #borderline personality disorder  #mindfulness 
galileoace asked: Hi, I've been dx'd with BPD. While I was fully agree, I'm finding it difficult to understand&cope; so many of my behaviors are/may be driven by this. I've been referred to a DBT programme but it's a yr away. Do you have any suggestions while I wait?


Answer:

Hi galileoace,

I’m glad you’ve got a diagnosis and are coming to terms with what that means for you. I’m sorry there’s such a wait for your DBT program — a year is a long time away!

There is plenty you can do in the meantime, mainly to start working on DBT as a self-study and practice principles of mindfulness in everyday life. On the Resources page, you’ll find several books linked, and self help sites. I would recommend that you pick up one general book on BPD (a “guide”, or a memoir, if that’s more your style), and the official DBT handbook.

The general book will give you a deeper understanding of BPD and may answer some more questions that you have. Are you in individual therapy now? That would also help greatly for understanding your behaviours and remap an understanding of your life. It’s quite daunting to realize that the way you’ve lived life up until now has substantially been driven by a personality disorder, and integrate that into your identity.

The DBT manual contains explanations of the skills and actual homework assignments you can work on now, to the best of your abilities. You can also give yourself homework, like “practice one of each of X skills every day for a week and write them down”. It’s important to write things down to reinforce your learning! It will make you feel like you’re making so much more progress than if you just leave it to your memory. DBTSelfHelp.com is another fantastic resource, although a little hard to navigate… keep poking at it and you’ll find gems, or do a google search to find the skill you’re looking for.

You may also want a book (can you tell I like books?) on mindfulness. If you search on Amazon, you’ll find many. I need to put some of these on the resources page, but I would recommend anything by Jon Kabat-Zinn or Pema Chodron. 

Keep reading the support communities, like this one and others on tumblr or wherever you spend your time.

I hope that gives you some resources to draw on, and best of luck to you!

~ Stephanie

— 1 year ago with 4 notes
#bpd  #borderline personality disorder  #diagnosis  #resources  #dbt 
Anonymous asked: Thank you for existing. You wonderful blog of wisdom and self understandment.


Answer:

Thank YOU for existing.

— 1 year ago with 3 notes
Anonymous asked: hey! i just wanted to tell you that i'm so thankful that this blog exists. what you do is utterly amazing, so thank you for taking your time to answer the messages and thanks for being here.


Answer:

Aw thank you so much! I can’t speak for the other mods, but I do it because it helps my own recovery to help others. I hope we both make a difference and occasionally entertain. xoxo

~ Stephanie

— 1 year ago with 1 note