It’s great that you’ve checked it out and found parts of it helpful! DBT is the gold standard for therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder, and formal DBT involves using the handbook. I’d definitely recommend it, along with DBTSelfHelp.com (to provide some less clinical perspective and additional links/thoughts) if you’re going to do a self study.
I’ve also been reading a simple, inexpensive e-book called Stop Sabotaging: A 31 Day DBT Challenge to Change Your Life, by the woman who runs HealingFromBPD.org. I’m just running through it quickly right now, but it looks like a nice alternative for something a little less daunting, or maybe to start out with. So that might be another option if you want to give yourself a one month challenge, with both readings and exercises :)
As for how you’re feeling, this is very normal with BPD. It’s common to have difficulty accessing your feelings, and communicate that to others. We have a lot of barriers in the way, due to a number of factors. That doesn’t mean we are impervious to hurt or offense. Best thing to do is tell someone (calmly) if they’ve hurt you, and work to repair any hard feelings. One major component of DBT is Interpersonal Effectiveness, and it sounds like you could benefit from that in your relationships.
You’re on the way to being happier and healthier!
All the best of luck,
~ Stephanie#bpd #borderline personality disorder #borderline #resources #dbt #relationships
Ugh, don’t I know it. I’m so sorry that you are in so much pain. Everything seems to be full of cheery platitudes that are just “if you think it, you’ll feel it”. Even Tumblr — it can be so depressing to scroll by so-called positive quotes and feel completely invalidated and discouraged.
Unfortunately a lot of traditional therapy is still built on this premise. This is why something like DBT is so revolutionary. Have you looked into DBT, or other forms of therapy shown to work with Borderline Personality Disorder?
It’s okay to be frustrated by those kinds of sentences. They don’t work very well for us (or many people, honestly) but they sound good in a pretty picture or from a therapist.
I hope you can find someone in your area to work with who can really help you. Would it be possible to find a therapist who specializes in personality disorders? I don’t know your situation but I’m sure there’s someone who would be able to help better than the ones you’ve been working with.
In the meantime, here is an assortment of links that may help you:
All the best, and I hope you are able to get the help you need in order to be healthy and happy <3
~ Stephanie#bpd #borderline personality disorder #borderline #therapy #dbt
Yes, this is something I’ve experienced, and I know it is common in those with Borderline Personality Disorder. It is exactly what can lead to impulsive behaviours, and learning how to deal with those feelings of emptiness and boredom will help you to avoid the impulsiveness.
With BPD, everything is a series of ups and downs, and when things are “in the middle”, they can feel utterly boring. I have both BPD and Bipolar I, and when I started stabilizing on medication I thought I was going to go nuts (ha) because things felt so empty and flat, and I wanted to act out even more.
It’s easy to feel so empty, low, and understimulated that you completely lack the desire to do anything to improve yourself, so you just succumb to going back to bed or an impulsive behaviour. That emptiness is typical for BPD sufferers and still gets me in its grip occasionally. Then I’m facing wasted hours or days or weeks, low mood, and vulnerability to negative emotions.
It’s not like I don’t know there are a million different things I could do with my day: clean up, go for a walk, go to the gym, watch a movie, do work. But instead I just reload Tumblr or get myself emotionally dysregulated.
Are you in therapy, or DBT? Dialectical Behavior Therapy is an extremely valuable toolbox of skills for learning how to:
I find the best thing to do is a small task, a very small task even, especially that will help you feel like you’ve accomplished something. Wipe the counter. Do 10 minutes of homework. Draw a picture. Put clothes in the washer. Don’t worry about the next thing, just do that one thing for a few minutes and see how you feel.
I also found this other great blog post on dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder and boredom that you might find useful.
I understand how much boredom sucks. I hope this helps and I wish you luck on avoiding those impulsive behaviours.
~ Stephanie#bpd #borderline personality disorder #borderline #impulsivity #dbt #dbt skills
This is a controversial question. It’s impossible to speak for all of those with Borderline Personality Disorder, but it’s safe to say that infidelity falls under the impulsivity DSM criterion #4 in particular, and two others:
Anecdotally, you’ll find a lot of people talking on forums and such about those with BPD cheating on their partners. So yes, it’s likely that BPD sufferers do cheat more than the general population. That doesn’t mean everyone with BPD cheats. There is no hard evidence of this either way, so am just making a casual observation.
People with BPD often have an intense need to feel loved and accepted, along with a lot of ups and downs in their relationships. And, when they are feeling abandoned or rejected, they may engage in impulsive or risky behaviors. This means that they might do things without considering the consequences of their actions, just to “feel better” in the short term. Certainly, infidelity could fall into this category.
I can speak to my own situation — I am a serial cheater. I’ve even thought about going to S.L.A.A. meetings (Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous) because the impulsive urge is so strong at times and I’ve had myself wrapped up in external relationships that felt like an addiction. In my previous seven and a half year relationship, I cheated probably ten times… got caught a couple of those times and it was horrible. It does feel embarrassing to admit such an impulsive and damaging behaviour, and I’ve only recently come to terms with it. I also have Bipolar disorder, which makes things complicated since I get hypersexual when I am trending towards mania.
Try not to think of it as manipulation for attention, even though it is easy for us and others to see it that way. We have a mental illness. There is a desperate need to fill that empty void, and cheating can be triggered by the slightest feelings of abandonment. It’s also a distraction from emotional pain. Also the intense feelings we get from new relationships acts exactly like a drug, making it a habit that’s hard to break. The lying is just a consequence of the cheating, but it makes things worse.
Are you in therapy of some kind? Your therapist will have heard it all, and I hope you can find the courage (or maybe already have!) to discuss this with him/her. The cheating won’t go away on its own. It takes hard work to recover, and you need to deal with the root cause of BPD in general in order to address the cheating.
Relationships are probably difficult for you right now and I hope that you can find some peace with this issue in the meantime. Just try to be as honest as you can with your partner in the early stages of flirtation (or whatever it is that starts things rolling). That’s the only thing that’s helped me stay true — being able to say “hey, I flirted a bit too much with so and so and things started heading in that direction, but I did/would like to stop”. That may sound difficult but if your partner knows you struggle with this, the communication is going to be better all around.
~ Stephanie#bpd #borderline personality disorder #borderline #mental illness #relationships #impulsivity
Davia, we could all learn a lot from you :) Thanks for the follow up.
It gets better. Borderline Personality Disorder isn’t seen as the hopeless diagnosis as it used to be. With willingness and treatment, most of us do recover and no longer meet the criteria for BPD after a few years.
xoxo#bpd #borderline personality disorder #borderline #diagnosis #therapy #mental illness
Thanks for writing. It is so great that you are dedicated to recovery. That is the first step — willingness to do what it takes to get better. I won’t say that you’re halfway there, but you’ve made a very big step. It can be a rollercoaster.
I assume you were diagnosed by a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist? Are you seeing someone for talk therapy? This is the most important thing for recovery, making sure that you are talking to someone regularly and managing your symptoms and any urges for self harm and the like.
Educate yourself! Check out the Resources page and get a book or two. It’s worth it rather than only browsing around online for info, which can be outdated, negative, and just completely incorrect.
Did he or she recommend any course of treatment, such as Dialectic Behavioral Therapy or medication? DBT is the most proven form of treatment for BPD, and involves weekly group sessions with homework. If this is available to you, I would highly recommend it. If not, there are books (see the resources page) for working through DBT yourself, and dbtselfhelp.com.
I noticed from your blog that you are into books and writing and nature. Do you keep a journal? These are all wonderful interests and can help keep you mindful (an important DBT and life skill). Taking a walk and touching the leaves can calm a distressing situation, and writing your thoughts down can diffuse emotional dysregulation.
I wish you the best on your path to recovery, and good luck!
~ Stephanie#borderline personality disorder #bpd #borderline #DBT #therapy #diagnosis #mental illness